[I changed the title of this post from "My Digital Life" to "My Digital Kingdom" because really, life is too blaze. Brief lesson from a brilliant wordsmith: kingdom implies I reign over something, i.e. I'm a king of some sort. Well, I am, but not everyone is as brilliant as I am so I have to spell it out for the common-folk.]
Let’s get this underway, shall we? First of all, don’t whip that out. Secondly, grow up, stupid jerk. No one wants to see that. Shameful.
I’ve already shown you how to attract loads of girls online, but there are certain properties that one can possess which will help you court ladies IRL. That’s cool internet language for ‘in real life’. LOL. Using cool internet lingo at the club alone won’t do the trick. You’ve got to have something on you to show that you’re legit. I, for instance, am a complete badass and own an Olympus FE-170 digital camera. It’s got 6.0 megapixels, and that means business (actually, the decimal place in the number is what indicates serious business). I connect said digital camera to my ludicrously trendy Apple Macbook laptop at home. It’s white, and it has a ton of radical Spider-Man stickers on it where the plastic has discolored from all of my wrist-sweat. Serious business on my Macbook makes me perspire, profusely.
Impressed yet? You will be when you see Spider-Man socking Doctor Octopus in the f*cking face. What I’m saying here is you have to bring that shiz with you when you go out to party. Do you honestly think the fact that you can bench-press 3,000,000,000lbs is going to woo a babe alone? Get over yourself, you need stuff. And LOL’s. Here’s an example of how not to score:
Stupid You: Hey sugar-lips, a/s/l?
So Hot Babe: The restraining order says you aren’t supposed to be so close to me.
EPIC FAIL, N00B. Try this approach:
Slightly More-Educated You: Yo mama, a/s/l and I have an Olympus FE-170 digital camera.
So Turned-On Chick: I’m so turned on!
Better. Practice in the mirror before you unleash that salvo in public.
