My Digital Kingdom (Whip It Out At The Club)

[I changed the title of this post from "My Digital Life" to "My Digital Kingdom" because really, life is too blaze. Brief lesson from a brilliant wordsmith: kingdom implies I reign over something, i.e. I'm a king of some sort. Well, I am, but not everyone is as brilliant as I am so I have to spell it out for the common-folk.]

Let’s get this underway, shall we? First of all, don’t whip that out. Secondly, grow up, stupid jerk. No one wants to see that. Shameful.

I’ve already shown you how to attract loads of girls online, but there are certain properties that one can possess which will help you court ladies IRL. That’s cool internet language for ‘in real life’. LOL. Using cool internet lingo at the club alone won’t do the trick. You’ve got to have something on you to show that you’re legit. I, for instance, am a complete badass and own an Olympus FE-170 digital camera. It’s got 6.0 megapixels, and that means business (actually, the decimal place in the number is what indicates serious business). I connect said digital camera to my ludicrously trendy Apple Macbook laptop at home. It’s white, and it has a ton of radical Spider-Man stickers on it where the plastic has discolored from all of my wrist-sweat. Serious business on my Macbook makes me perspire, profusely.

Impressed yet? You will be when you see Spider-Man socking Doctor Octopus in the f*cking face. What I’m saying here is you have to bring that shiz with you when you go out to party. Do you honestly think the fact that you can bench-press 3,000,000,000lbs is going to woo a babe alone? Get over yourself, you need stuff. And LOL’s. Here’s an example of how not to score:

Stupid You: Hey sugar-lips, a/s/l?
So Hot Babe: The restraining order says you aren’t supposed to be so close to me.

EPIC FAIL, N00B. Try this approach:

Slightly More-Educated You: Yo mama, a/s/l and I have an Olympus FE-170 digital camera.
So Turned-On Chick: I’m so turned on!

Better. Practice in the mirror before you unleash that salvo in public.

My Digital Life (How To Be A Chick Magnet)

These days, it’s all about being connected. Why, you ask? Because hot babes don’t love you; they love what you’ve got. Be it Gmail, RSS feeds, YouTube, YTMND.com, Google Maps (the ladies froth at the mouth for this one in particular), whatever – you’ve got to have connections, son. You better believe a handsome internet user like myself (I prefer “e-stud”) has tons of said connections on the information super highway. Don’t believe me? Well, don’t take my word for it, check out my list of awesome links, d00dz (that’s internet lingo for ‘close-knit circle of friends’).

1.) Hells yeah, I have an e-mail account. What of it? Send all marriage proposals to plasticbagmode@gmail.com

2.) YouTube? I got that shiste on lock, broseph.
YouTube!

3.) I’m a photo fiend, brotha. Well, I have three albums. And two of them are repeats, technically, with alternating resolutions. Very impressive, anyway.
Flickr!

4.) Check out my softer side a la angsty and incomprehensible poetry:
Deviant Art!

Here’s the impressive part: none of those things are even tangible and all of those things were free, but still I’m a complete ladies’ man for each of those reasons. I just saunter up to hot chicks all the time and say, “Oh yeah babe, I’m on the internet”. It’s a good thing I work on biceps so often because often times I have to catch those hotties when they faint from me being so damn cool.

To Sum Things Up:

So I’m working on this final project of sorts for my ‘Intro. to Media Tech’ course. Most of the content added to my blog should be made into separate pages as opposed to individual posts. I’m organized like that.

Just to spice up this bland post, I’m going to put a picture of a shark in here. Sharks make for good attention grabbers. And leg grabbers. And seal grabbers.

Also, as a disclaimer: certain varying degrees of sarcasm are employed throughout the pages and posts populating this blog. Here’s a fun game: can you find them all!?